Silence

2007-06-23T02:03:00.000+08:00

as of now, this blog would not be in use any more. pls move on to http://fillmylifewithcolours.blogspot.com/ .

thank you. =)

2007-06-19T23:55:00.000+08:00

feel as though im having a slight fever after having beancurd. =/ fell aslp while waiting for mum's call. now head's kinda heavy. working full day tml. wondering how jialat i'd be after finishing work. lol.

now i fear for enlistment. was looking forward to it. but now, more looking forward to ur knock off time everyday.

2007-06-18T22:54:00.000+08:00

back to work at bg. been sourcing for nice food around sg. feel free to drop me any places which u'd recommend.

those are the times i'll nv 4get. times where i did things i nv thought i'd do it for anyone. ure the exception. jus all of a sudden, everything seems so dark.

2007-06-07T13:52:00.000+08:00

will be back at work nxt week. plotting my schedule this week. most prob on fri.

am mad about installing stuffs on the new car. unfortunately, axio's accessories arent here yet. (or at least not all) the latest being the window visor. got it fixed. nxt up is car plate's light. chging it to white. and then side mirror's LED light. and considering sound proofing as well. ahh. all these = $$$$$.. but i haf no $$$$$ now... =/

shall work hard cracking my brain for solutions to earn more $$$$$.. $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ =/

2007-06-04T02:17:00.001+08:00

not the best of sundays. finally got myself on the court kicking a soccer ball for like 2-3 weeks? had a few serious tough games. and after that, we crapped around playing those fanciful tricks and i got a serious cramp when i tried to imitate c.ronaldo. damn. serve myself right. =/
ok. now for the taiwan trip. landed on taipei on 26th may at approximately 12.30pm++ ? went to our hotel to put down stuffs and made our way to xi-men-ding. so called the town of taipei, it's kinda crowded when we were there at abount 3pm++. ate some of the *small eat*(literally translated from chinese). den a situation happened. ps's dad went missing and we gotta return to the hotel to wait for him. fell aslp while waiting till ps rang my door's bell. her dad was back and we could now make our way to shi-lin nite market. we took the 'MRT' there and when we reach there, it wasnt as crowded as i expected. but only till the last day, (where we returned there again) den i realise we were jus on the eating market. we weren't on the real nite market where they sell other stuffs like accessories and all. =/
made our way to hua-lien on the 2nd day. don really know how to say about the trip but its all about visiting places with nice sceneries and touring taiwan in a clockwise direction. (by looking at the taiwan map).
we're at zhi-ben (it's tai-tung i think) on the 3rd day and was at kaohsiung on the 4th. den went to tai-chung on the 5th day and back to taipei on the 6th. finally its back to the airport at taoyuan on the last day. that's about all for the trip. haha. shant go into details. that'd be super tiring. interested parties can come ask me personally. =D

2007-06-03T02:29:00.000+08:00

haha. back from taiwan like on 1st june nite. kinda tired from the trip. kinda fun, not that bad. but i shant go into details. at least not now cos im kinda tired now. lol. went OCH for awhile jus now. =/ but yeah, going for soccer in the coming morning. so im gonna rest more. lol. more details on taiwan trip on the nxt post.
nites.

2007-05-26T04:52:00.000+08:00

leaving for the airport in a few mins time. off to taiwan for a week. will be back nxt fri. ciaO! ^^

2007-05-14T00:13:00.000+08:00

woot. slack till im too lazy to actually post. been quite active on the axio forum. become the forum's moderator. hehe. met up with the axio guys as well. its gd to actually meet up with ppl driving the same car as u becos we get to share information which we might not have known.
had a fall today during soccer. my hip's in pain and the skin's bleeding. damn. was hoping it wouldnt be anything serious becos im going to taiwan for holiday! this coming 26th.
all of a sudden, may seems to be a real busy month for me. or shld i say the end of may. 22nd's the graduation ceremony, followed by liverpool's final in athens on the 23rd. 25th's the bbq organised by jere and junjie. sort of like a gathering be4 the guys head for tekong and respective NS grp. and den i'll be at Changi Airport on the 26th. haha.. will be out of town for 7 days. so excited as im really looking forward to going to taiwan (one of my holidays destination) hehe.
cheers to liverpool in advance! (hip hip hooray!)

2007-04-27T02:27:00.000+08:00

woah ... got my 1st touch on toyota corolla axio. weee!! finally we've changed to a new car.. wahaha.. nice experience.. kinda fat inside.. compared to old car. and the dashboard's so much taller.. lol.. kinda not used to it.. wahaha.. but overall, its nice to drive.. still the same, slacking recently... wq jus got his enlistment date so i guess mine is coming soon.. he got a sept date.. so i guess i'll be around that date as well.. damn.. was anticipating that i'd get enlisted in june but now its like, sept. my god.. donno wad to do till sept man.. considering abt returning to bg.. at least i get to kill time and also earn some money.. ahhh..
but in the meantime, while i consider, its time to do some discovery abt axio! hehe.. =X

2007-04-08T16:51:00.000+08:00

not a gd week for me.. or at least weekend.. played soccer on fri evening.. slipped and fell on my knees.. causing my skin to tear a little.. having those kind of burning sensation when i shower jus makes me feel like being a dirty chap. -.-
den on fri nite, went to chom pang.. asked bear along becos its his bday that day.. den there was this incident where me and bear stopped at the traffic light.. i wanted to see how fast a phantom could pick up so i asked him to try.. den i floored my accelerator and drag gear to catch up with him becos at the start he picked up kinda fast. and who knows, a vios was jus beside me and tot i wanted to race with him ! -.- but nvm abt that. haha. returned to safe driving shortly after..
on sat, went to watch The Reaping. the plot was kinda complicated and i was like trying to catch the whole show.. but when i patch everything that i really couldnt catch, den i realise its quite a nice show.. asked jere abt some parts of the show.. haha.. really abit catch no ball.. but its kinda scary and i really feel like getting out of my seat.. -.-
den comes the bad part.. went for soccer jus now.. was playing the last game.. den an opponent tried a shot and the ball went str for my right eye.. for 15mins, i couldn't open both my eyes.. although the impact was on the right eye, when i opened my left eye, both my eyes feel strained.. so i jus lay dead on the floor.. enduring the pain on my right eye.. and seems as though there's internal bleeding on my eye lid.. bad swell. bad end to this week.
and lagi best, jus b4 i left the coffeeshop where we had lunch, it started to rain heavily.. and it was real heavy.. and i jus don like to drive when rain is damn heavy.. but i jus gotta drive becos i had to pick my dad up.. dammit.. got a little scolding from dad for playing soccer. becos they seem to see me getting injured when i go for soccer.. -.-
hopefully, things will chg for the better for wadever i do from now onwards.. *pray* gonna take a rest.

2007-04-06T00:38:00.000+08:00

a simple dinner with the guys. jus went out for dinner with them thats all. was actually supposed to go watch The Reaping budden ben and bt say they are tired. so i gave it a missed as well. only jere and jj went ahead. they met up with ek as well. haha. other than that, im back home facing my Acer Laptop again. -.-

2007-04-04T16:53:00.000+08:00

been some time since i really came here and do some serious thinking... have stopped working at bg alr... reasons... better not ask... lol... yea...
got a fren whose dad just passed away 3 days back... been to his dad's funeral for the past 2 days... staring at a person's funeral just makes me think yet again, how fragile a life could be... just a split second, eyes closed, heart's stop pumping, gone just like that.. no warning, no nothing.. but even this couldnt convince me to be more confident abt life.. i mean, u think thru everything, and starts to think, why shld i be without confidence? even when my life could be gone the nxt moment.. i shld just muster all courage that i could and do the things that i really wanna do.. but still, its still not enough to convince me to do things that i really wanna do yet dare not do..
but whatever it is, at least im not like im before.. at least now im leading a life that is boring yet happy enuff.. or shld i say without troubles.. gone are the days of troubles.. gone are the grp of ppl i wanted to stay away from.. every decision i made, its bound to make ppl unhappy.. so why bother like i do in the past? where i think so much for each and everyone and try to make my decision in a way that i'd get the least number of ppl unhappy.. i've come to understand, im living for myself. not for others.. my life, my decision.. no one's gonna affect my decision even if it means everyone misunderstanding me..
wad my mum told me is very true.. being a gd person often lands u in trouble.. no pt being gd to someone and only to realise that person isnt even appreciating.. look at the trouble she's in now.. trying to be the gd person... even i look at her situation and i'd just scold her for being dumb.. but i wont deny even i myself, was once in her shoe and was laughed at for being dumb..
but things are over now.. perhaps the impt thing now for me is to find back my confidence and to look forward to National Service.. becos thats the nxt 'big' event thats gonna happen in my life. and for most of the guys as well..

2007-03-13T01:20:00.000+08:00

hmm. been days since i last blogged. had a few 'events' that i did not really update. 1st was kailing's bday chalet at the sentosa costa sands. hmm. kinda fun but was kinda left out at the beginning. haha. she invited all diff grp of frens and i went with xinru and co (sec sch gang). threw kailing to the swimming pool shortly after cutting the cake. nothing much also. den went river valley for supper after leaving the chalet.
then 2 days after that, went to sentosa with peishi and jiaxuan. took the cable car from mount faber and went to the merlion, took the thingy that brings u high up and see scenery(4got wad's that called), went to dolphin lagoon and underwater world. den after that met bt and co for dinner at queenstown area.
feeling damn lethargic. can slp for the whole day if without disturbance. just like today. wake up le, but still feel like slping. jus so damn tired. been thinking alot since i woke up at 8pm ++. shld i or shld i not. the more i think, the more hesitant i become. dammit man.
ahh. nvm abt that. due to mr chris waking up at 7pm today, we decided to go to the agency tml. so yea, we're meeting up tml. and so coincidentally, rachel asked to meet me for dinner saying that she long time din see me le. -.- i agreed. so tml gonna haf dinner with her as well. hmm. den wed will be working as well as fri ba.
still deciding when to watch the sunrise. been some time since i watched it. but perhaps, i'll haf to wait till i feel refreshed from everything that happened this 2 weeks? yea. alright. go haf a game or smth b4 i lie on the bed again. for the 4th time today. -.-

2007-02-22T02:34:00.000+08:00

been some days since i blogged. just recently, realised something. dunno whether its gd or bad. even when im holding someone else in my arms, doing something intimate, during the process, nothing comes out of my mind but her. not the one in my arms, but the one whom ive once loved deeply. ever since, ive lost all interest in other girls. totally not interested in this thing called sex. im even turned off by it.
why? everyone is like saying, this is a man's nature. so wad? a man's nature could still be curbed. just like me. i aint an angel. im also a man. or a growing man at least. but still, end of the day, i could not do it. no love, no sex. i can be talking cock with the gang and say i wanna find a f*** buddy. but nv a moment was real. was jus a talking cock session.
now i finally realise, why some ppl find it disgusting to haf sex with someone they dont love. to do it in the 1st place alr requires hell lots of courage, lots of overcoming to be done. it can be a very tempting thing to do, but only when the girl is the one i love.
ive really been hurt alot. too many times. that i can only choose to avoid. to avoid seeing her. to avoid hanging out with frens that know her. becos to me, its no longer abt pursueing wad i wan. but its abt knowing that she is happy and i get on with my life well. i no longer wan pain. becos pain drives me nuts. when i look back, and i look at now, i realise im so happy with the poly frens im hanging ard with. much more happier than when im with the bg gang i used to hang out with. anyone could see it. i was suffocated and i chose to be suffocated. all becos of the word love. that is why love is blind. how true. i dont blame her. its a fact that our r/s could only stay as more than gd frens but not yet lovers. perhaps its fate. ive always think that in life, its a decision, a choice that decides ur destiny. but afterall, this thing has proven to me that, fate plays a small part in life. or at least a small part. 100% accuracy. spot on.
perhaps i was wrong to continue holding onto something which i hate to admit. letting go is no easy feat. but alas, ive done it. again. i did not let her go when she patched with her ex bf. but now i realise i finally did so. to stop those days we played mahjong tgt, we held hands and went out tgt, we worked tgt, went to my family gatherings tgt, smoked tgt, talked on the fone tgt, drank tgt, listened to music tgt, meet my frens tgt, sing ur fav songs for u, all these, when it became part of my life, to stop it, its almost an impossible task. or shld i say its practically impossible. till today, i sing ur fav songs to myself, telling myself ure happy. as always. and u've someone by ur side who'll take care of u now.
moving on, bit by bit, those times we spent tgt, it has all become a beautiful memory of mine. a memory that i'll nv 4get. and i'll use these memories, to accompany me thru a journey that seems so hard, so dark for me.
nevertheless, thanks for the memories u've given me. i remb telling u that i'll nv leave u even though we can only be frens. but i haf to apologise that i've failed to do so. becos i realise, the kind of life we used to haf, doesnt suit me at all. i was all along giving in, nv receiving. u taught me that a person shld give without expecting any returns. but to me, returning means a show of appreciation. it can be a very small thing like buying me a drink. which is why all along, i could not agree with not expecting any returns. thats not to say im expecting returns each time i do smth, but a simple smile on the face, could also be the return. this is smth we can nv agree with each other, and yes, parallel lines don meet.
a life so simple, thats all i've got. ive got not enough interested stuffs in life to giv u. its an interesting, exciting life that u haf. but i only got a boring life. a life that does the same thing again and again.
ahhhh. feeling so fresh now. getting things out of my chest. things that has bothered me. its just the right time that i got this urge to think things thru and spill everything out. a gd timing. becos liverpool's crunch match against barce is gonna start soon!
ha. gonna go out to watch the game. sadly, my hse got no scv....... alright. here i am, yet again, wishing u all the best. silently, in my heart, everynite, i'll do it. becos u were once part of my life, my everything. and i'd be lying if i say now, ure totally nothing to me. but knowing that ure happy, is the best return for me in letting go of everything we once shared.
nites to all. may pool win! cheers! happy new year to all! =D

2007-02-07T10:56:00.000+08:00

watched the 2nd leg final of Singapore vs Thailand on chn 5. an exciting match with both sides searching for the goal they needed. but Thailand has been on the attack for almost all the while in the match. they got the equaliser in the 1st half and many would haf thought that singapore would lose out becos the way the Thais come back at us, and with singapore kept busy in their own half, its highly possible that singapore would haf conceded another goal after Thonkanya put Thais 1-0 ahead in the match and 2-2 on aggregate. but the introduction of khairul amri (cheers!) did put singapore on the attack on a few occasions. and oh well, he scored at the 81st minute to giv singapore a 3-2 aggregate lead. he was charging towards the Thai goals and the 2 central defenders backed off him. perhaps thinking that he might slip a pass to alam shah, who was named MVP and top scorer of the tournament. instead khairul amri, produced an unstoppable shot towards the left corner of the keeper and the crowd in the stadium went silent. only the less than 100 singapore crowd was cheering for that goal. singapore hang on well for the win and it was a very nice feeling to haf seen singapore win the final over 2 legs. 1st in the stadium, and 2nd on tv.
went to town on mon, bought a tie. wahaha. u must be thinking why i buy a tie, to change myself of cos. woot! look out for me during CNY. =D

2007-02-02T20:28:00.000+08:00

was at the National Stadium to witness the Singapore vs Thailand match on wed. was with alan, dan, junjie(sp), bernice, boon, alicia and her fren. shouted till my voice went coarse after the game but it got better the next day.
kinda a boring 1st half from a soccer point of view cos there were more fouls than actions. its as though u could sense a fight coming from both sides of players as tackles flew in from either sides. and the 1st injury scene was as early as the kick off where a thai player kicked the ball back and our National squad's top scorer alam shah pressured him from behind and he fell. he laid there for a few secs b4 getting up again. this spark a furious reaction from the fans seated around us and i went along with all the singapore fans to shout at the thai player. little actions from the 1st half apart from alam shah's goal. singaporeans celebrated with our traditional kallang wave and its real fun to be part of it. just b4 the wave reaches our section, we'd all go stamping our foot against the ground and when the wave comes to us, we'd jus stand and go 'wohhhh'. haha.
2nd half was a tight affair as the thais came strongly back at us and they got their equaliser after singapore was caught napping for practically the 1st time in the game. after the goal, the thais came even stronger at us and fears were in all singaporeans. cant help but feel that the thais could even get the 2nd goal they needed. but alas, the score stayed at 1-1 until the 83rd min(as reported), singapore was awarded a controversial penalty. the thais walked out of the game, and as expected, all fans booed them including me =x. though we cant see clearly if its a foul, but fans around us feel that khairul amri's incident minutes earlier shld haf been a penalty. that was a real clear cut foul but somehow the referee turned a blind eye to it. wth man. we booed and booed and after 15mins, the thais came back on the field. there were mixed reactions as some fans booed, while some fans applauded. mustafic fahruddin stepped up for the awarded penalty. silence fell around us, all eyes on mustafic (jersey no.15). GOAL! National Stadium erupted once again. i could see everyone jumping for joy when the ball hit the back of the net. and in injury time, we could haf seen another eruption but only for khairul amri to glide his header wide.
final whistle blown, and u could see the singaporeans celebrating. cheers to the home team were loud.
its been 2 years since i was at the National Stadium watching a soccer match. the last time i went, it was Singapore vs Indonesia. kinda miss those feelings right now. becos soccer, is the only thing now, that could make me 4get abt everything. its just shouting, watching the game and celebrating if Singapore scores. pure enjoyment. no worries, no things to think abt. and that's when im happiest.
now, it's my usual routine yet again. bb.

2007-01-29T23:27:00.000+08:00

song list on s.h.e's concert.
1. lian ren wei man (opening song)
2. bu xiang zhang da
3. remember
4. xing guang
5. ai ne
6. tian hui
7. bu zuo ni de peng you
8. dui hao ru zuo
9. super model
10. wo men zen me le
11. yuan fang
12. zhi dui ni you gan jue (hebe and fahrenheit)
13 & 14. fahrenheit's song. donno title paiseh. lol
15. shi mian mai fu
16. tong kuai
17. bai se lian ge
18. bie shuo dui bu qi
19. zen me ban
20. di yi tian (with stef sun)
21. wan mei de yi tian (stef sun)
22. yet another stef sun song but i donno title. lol =x
23. ai hen jian dan (ella piano playing!)
24. hou niao
25. re dai yu lin
26. yue gui nu shen
27. bo si mao
28. ring ring ring
29. mei li xing shi jie
30. mo li
31. wo ai ni
32. hebe solo drum ( encore : superstar )

hmm. i 4got where is ella's solo and selina's solo. but anyway, their solos cant be heard. as in ella is playing a sort of drummer thingy. i also donno how to xplain while selina danced. so yea, din record it down whereas hebe's solo percussion part, i recorded it down and after that was super star.
ahh. no chu dian. very sad. was kinda anticipating that song u know. but sadly, they din perform it. =/
time for bed. real tired today. leg's still in pain. nites.

2007-01-28T17:52:00.000+08:00

back at home now nursing my both calf and left groin. ran too much just now during soccer. really ran alot man. strain here and there. damn.
went to s.h.e's concert yest. with ps. shiok man. finally ive seen s.h.e live in concert! was busy recording their live singing. lol. their concert was also accompanied by stef sun and fahrenheit. omg man. their solos, selina's was the most explosive. she danced diff kinds of dance and once, she even took out her skirt! omg! that is such a diff s.h.e i used to see. lol.
after the concert, the guys decided not to come out for supper so me and ps went else where to eat. we walk and walk and walk, walk from kallang to bugis then to town. and we finally arrived at swensen. -.-"! ate black pepper seafood pasta, and of cos, sticky chewy chocolate! woot. lol. well, my mind is still full of s.h.e's concert. just cant shake it off man. there's one part i find it very nice but sadly, my fone isnt close enough to get the whole picture. all 3 sat on 3 diff big coloured bears and sang. the bear is so niceeeee! and they even went round the crowds. but too bad, i wasnt downstairs. was upstairs cos no money buy those tix =/ arghhhhh. but its ok, enjoyable moment to listen them sing out their songs. wahahhaa. let me drown in their songs for now.

2007-01-21T18:48:00.000+08:00

done yet another cock stuff. i ate 4 pandan cakes which are 'chao tseng'. and now im having a bad stomach upset. and i still tot how come this pandan cake taste so nice. my mum was telling me that i shld not eat the pandan cake den i told her nv. when i asked her why she told me its 'chao tseng'. i told her i din eat cos i tot she'd ask me why i ate it, cos it was meant for jiaxuan. scarly, she tell me cos its chao tseng. omg. omg. omg. no wonder i LS for the whole of last nite. =.= alright. i nid to rest. 27th jannnnnnnn

2007-01-10T12:44:00.000+08:00

anticipating s.h.e's concert on 27 jan. nothing else matters now.

2007-01-04T22:14:00.000+08:00

fark this shit. i hate this farking situation that im in now. really donno im beyond hope or wad. keep telling myself to do things, but i just farking cant do it.
act strong in front of ppl, act like im happy in front of others. is that the way i am now? hell no. i don like to hide because it hurts even more. but i cant show it out. wad can i really do? vent my anger at home. vent my frustration at home. i think im seriously suffering from mental disorder.
-headache-

2007-01-03T13:16:00.000+08:00

yest nite was slpless nite no.6. but this morning, i jus knew it was gonna happen. going to the doc's later. dammit. alright. i shld go prepare to see doc now.

2007-01-02T03:26:00.000+08:00

day no.5 - lost slp. lost count of the things ive done for u. on thinking back, every happy moments we had together makes me tear. aint i emotional? reena says i am. =/ i guess i gotta admit i am.
when i got u that top, all i had in mind was to see a demure u. don really know how to explain, but just wanna get it for u. or mayb i tot it'd look nice on u? i donno. din get the chance to see u wear it, don even know if i'd ever get the chance to see it. or mayb ur frens would but not me.
so many things i wanna do it with u, but i cant. so many places i wanna go with u, but i cant. so many restaurants, cafe i wanna eat with u, but i cant.
argh... afterall, end of day, u happy can liao. nothing i can do, nothing i can say. cos even if i do or say smth, i'd only hurt myself in the end.
oh yea, szeling suggested not to count sheeps to make myself slp. so i shall go count 10 cents coin now.

2007-01-01T03:35:00.000+08:00

watched the fireworks at esplanade. jus that few minutes, was thinking of having u right by myside. watching how the banglas (no offence) and the locals fought, because of them touching the ger? i donno. but looking at that, was just thinking alot. thinking that if u could be watching the fireworks with me, how nice that'd be. thinking that wad happened if ure the one being bullied? i donno. a rush of emotions.
just like wad u once told me. not to wait for u. u asked me to move on. how i hope u'd be the one who moved on from ur past. but i know, given ur character, its hard to make u listen, don even mention asking u to move on.
i know. i know everything. i just refuse to face it. because its so unfair to me. so so so unfair to me. u said u gave me a chance, but u nv did. u kept it all to urself. u said u'd be there for me, but u nv were.
i wont listen to u again. just like wad ure doing, im gonna keep this love within me. i know if im gonna do that, i'd have countless slpless nites. but i don care. just like u don care.
slpless nite no.4 - counting down to the day i collapse.

2006-12-31T04:39:00.000+08:00

just wondering, how many more sleepless nights will i have? when will i ever be able to get a good night's slp and have a good sweet dream?
but before this, i know tonite is yet another sleepless night.
-gone to FMing-

2006-12-30T16:19:00.000+08:00

days without u, unbearable pain.

2006-12-30T04:22:00.000+08:00

when ure alone at home, u tend to think. thats wad im doing. when ure alone at home, ure bored. thats wad i am now. when ure alone at home, u jus envy those who enjoy themselves outside. thats wad i am doing right now.
so cruelly, u left me alone. now i am alone. its time i appreciate the word "home".

2006-12-28T02:06:00.000+08:00

stayed home the whole day today. not feeling well. chest pains' back. and this time its even worse than the previous time. omg. how?
27th's alan bday. after watching pool at new harbour, they suggested going to sing and we went to the partyworld at shenton. finished at around 5am and alan was drunk so me and dan took alan back to bg to slp. slp till about 8.30am, i took a cab home. feel warm and nv tot it was something serious so i went to slp. when i woke up, dammit, i was having fever. went to see a doc jus now and now im feeling better.
working lunch shift tml. alright. gotta slp now. bb.

2006-12-21T22:50:00.000+08:00

received the certificate of internship at work jus now. tml's officially our last day. or at least for me moses and szekiat. attachment's come to an end and what is nxt is definitely a long rest before i start looking for a job again. will work till i serve NS.
got a B+ for my internship grade. however, the grades are not finalised yet as shirley mentioned because there are also factors the school will haf to consider before finalising our grades. but to be frank, it's better than i've expected.
there'll be a party tml in the company. will be looking to enjoy myself as much as possible. for now, it's an epi of drama and SLEEP! nitex everyone.

2006-12-19T19:13:00.000+08:00

3 working days left. life has not been smooth sailing for this month. thinking alot through the nites. having nightmares that is most probably, the worst of my life. would nv want such things to ever happen. been getting the chest pain i had recently and things arent looking gd. now that the raining season is back, i think it's sooner rather than later that i'll be on the hospital bed.
hasnt got any mood this few days. skipped dinner more than regularly and only eating a little snack when im home. got no appetite. aint got mood for anything except for stoning and slping.
has always been avoiding or taking in whatever shits i haf to take in. now its time to peel off my "coward" shell. got my "revenge" on a particular bastard. and this is for him: if this aint enough, tell me, i'll give u more. no more compromising. no more endurance. i wan no more of these shits. gonna leave whichever place that gives me countless trouble.
fri's company's xmas celebrations. there'll be a gift xchg going on. i still donno what to get. can anyone giv me some idea? jus something simple. if u do haf idea, pls do tag in your ideas. ty.
ok. gonna shower. drenched like (drop soup chicken) and im still sitting here blowing cool wind. tryng to die ar? yes i am. i suppose.

2006-12-05T01:59:00.000+08:00

went to expo on sunday. with sl, hy, ken and may. met jeanne, angeline and eileen there. they work at apple. went to become their water supplier. bought green tea for the 3 gers working so hard at the booth trying to promote apple. =x me and ken stayed at that booth for a while to chat with jeanne while hy, sl and may went to look for external hdd.
after expo, we went to vivo city to meet up with chris and we watched happy feet. was late for about 20mins? damn. missed the opening part of the show. kinda funny but storyline's kinda lame? well. thats jus wad i think lar.
then after that, it's dinner at the Food Republic b4 heading to my house for wad else but mahjong again. lol. went to ken's house to pick up his dog (charles) and he also changed his contacts. charles' so cute. lol. my sister play with him until she doesnt wanna slp! then sent them back and when i reach home it was alr 4am.
hmmm. kinda dead during work for attachment. but tried damn lots of ways to keep myself awake. went countless time to toilet jus to wash face and keep myself awake. -.-"! after work, went to the market to haf dinner with bert, kiat and moses. after dinner went home to rest awhile b4 i head to where else but BG. lol. went to pick sl up and sent her home b4 i fetch my parents. jus finished doing my stuffs. but still damn awake. but i can sense i'll be kinda dead again at work tml. -.-"! gd luck to me. may the force be with me. lol. -.-"!
ok. nites all.

2006-12-01T02:12:00.000+08:00

this is bad. having a bad stomach this week. bloated, indigestion, constipation.

sun, i went for soccer in the morning. before i even went out, i had to LS. omg. wad a way to start my day. den after stepping in the court for less than 3 mins, i tot i wanted to LS again. so i asked amos to sub me. while waiting for my turn to go toilet at the coffeeshop (which i donno wad the hell the guy inside was doing. he took so long!), i had this urge to vomit. so i immediately went to the other coffeeshop. while walking there, so coincidentally, i vomitted outside a clinic. wth. went back to find the guys after vomitting and then went home after that. that evening, had fever and went to see a doc.
Had to actually carry this bloated stomach of mine to CMPB for my National Service check up on Mon. went home after work on tues to rest and then wed went to celebrate ken's bday. we went to true blue to eat. whoa, i ate till i was really full. and i nearly couldnt take it as well. i skipped the cake and then ken say i nv eat the cake. =/ not i don wan leh. =/
went to partyworld AGAIN. -.-"! reached home at about 2am+.
today at work, was again feeling kinda unwell and tired. but well, still got through it. am still feeling kinda bloated now. terrible feeling to be suffering indigestion and constipation. my god. makes me feel like skipping all my meals. =/
alright. i gotta slp. nite.

2006-11-28T02:01:00.000+08:00

could u look me in the eyes, and tell me that ure happy now.

jus recovered from fever. stomach's still bloated. uncomfy feeling. nv gd. hoping i will be. nites

2006-11-13T02:56:00.000+08:00

yet another dream of mine come true. can anyone tell me if u have the same experience as me? i keep having dreams that happen at a later part of my life. and one by one, its coming true. i dreamt that i died when i was in a shopping centre shopping with my wife and a kid. well if that's true, at least i know i'll die after some time.
pls put an end to my loneliness and misery. nobody will actually take the time and effort to understand how i think and how i feel. everyone jus thinks that i think alot. but why. no one tries to understand why. even the person i love, she'll only reprimand me. but i know, i did smth she dislikes alot. she hates me now. but mayb thats the only way to make her happy. mayb thats the way i have to be to give her the happiness. and that is to leave. no matter how much sufferings, hardships i went through for her, jus to make her happy, i never felt i was appreciated. she wants all the concern and attention that she needs. no matter who issit from, i do my best to give her all that she wants. but yes, i cant expect anything in return. but i only wan her to know that i also need attention and concern. not just her.
actually saying so much now doesnt help anymore. mayb that's my best bday gift for her. instead of the thing i bought for her, this might be the present she wants most. and that is for me to free her. she's free now. but for me, im trapped in a world with troubles, pain and even loneliness.
- falling in love with u, marks the start of me losing my life. u've entered my life so easily, changed my life and even my perceptions on certain things. now u've left my life jus as easily as you've entered. leaving me all alone. i am so gone. -

2006-11-11T11:00:00.000+08:00

today's my sis bday. everyone's getting ready for the trip out but im still blogging here! =/
going out to snow city today and then have dinner at The Settlers. hmm. anyway it was through xinru's fren that i found out about The Settlers so thanks. but its like, im so afraid of cold. die liao lar.

h-u-r-t

2006-11-09T02:32:00.000+08:00

1st of all, happy bday to xinru. went to meet them at The Settlers b4 i go to Indochine for awhile to meet SP and co. then went back to fetch my parents b4 i rejoined xinru and co at CCK. hmm. nth much today also. jus simple celebrations. though im not really involved, but wad's most impt is that everyone is happy can le. haha. shall slp now. tml's got attachment. cheers. nites everyone.

2006-11-06T22:59:00.000+08:00

so wad if i know wad i wan in life? some things are just impossible. or at least to me.

2006-11-04T11:21:00.000+08:00

kinda not in mood this few days. went to bedok for soccer on thurs with stan, hanteck, shan and chris. not bad there and shan was damn on form man. my man of the match. he even scored the 1st goal to knock out gilbert's team. actually went there to check out bedok's ppl. was kinda bored everytime playing with own frens u see so since gilbert jio me, so i called them along. the malays and indians there, i must say they are quite a joy to watch. their touches, understanding, passing of the game and the communication between each other is just flawless. ok flawless seems too strong a word to use but they are good. impressed me. one thing about me, though im not really gd in soccer, but not many ppl impresses me with their skills. =X can say im kinda stingy on my comments for soccer players but seldom ppl impresses me. but now i see a bunch that does. haha.
ok tonite's pool against reading. yest just went youtube to go back to the nite of Istanbul. where pool won the champs league. feelings just came back to the nite where i sat in front of the TV with you cai and neth i think. the nv say die spirit of the scousers. they're just unbelievable. now i'd like to apply that to myself. not just in terms of soccer, but in terms of my life as well.
waiting for attachment pay to get through on mon and then i'll go buy liverpool's home jersey. looks cool to me. i shall print:(provided i can)
ALONSO
14
=)

2006-11-01T02:05:00.000+08:00

its been some time since we've been out so happily. donno if u've realised it anot but actually when we're really alone, we can be so happy. an outing without any troubles left behind for us. jus purely to enjoy ourselves. this is the times we once had and the times i missed so much. so who ever said when the both of us are there, troubles start brewing? im starting to doubt that sentence. because i am always, ever so confident, that troubles start with neither of us.

time for bed. cheers!

2006-10-30T00:12:00.000+08:00

been out the whole nite yest. 1st is dinner at breko. went with benedict to fetch peishi. den set off to holland v's breko tgt. suxorrrrr. benedict found a parking lot earlier than me though i reach there earlier! suxorrrrrr.
when we arrive, junjie, wenxiong, lisong and jere are there. den after we arrive, wilson came followed by boon tat, keith and his fren, and tenghong. woah. i must say 1st time i ate with such a big group. -.-
after dinner, the group decided to head towards town for a nite there. supposed to be watching movie but kinda hard to actually decide on a show whereby all of the ppl there have not watched b4. so ended up partyworld yet again. helped to send them to town and den head back to bukit timah to fetch my parents. then i went to fetch kenneth and we 2 headed for town tgt. bought a swensen cake for their bday and went in to SING.
half way thru our 'concert', joel and elaine joined us too. then at about 2.15, neth and me went to collect the cake from swensen. sad sad sad. the cake is an ice cream cake. cant revenge. because i still remb they smashed my face on the cake on my bday! but i did get my hands on jere's face. eh, wrong. on jere's ear and hair =/ sian. bo skill. after partyworld, sent wq, th and wx to bukit panjang.
din go for soccer this morning. kinda paiseh. but did send a sms to chris to inform him. cos i haf OC today so din go for soccer. was late for OC today. damn. reached at 5 when im supposed to reach at 4.30. was a happy event. wedding dinner. after that hongyu bought swensen cake for sL as well. had mixed feelings b4 i went off. months ago, weeks ago, days ago, was thinking about how to surprise sL. only to see my wish fading away day by day. end up it wasnt me who surprised her. was hy instead. so afterall, my bday wish din come true at all. nv for once did my bday wish come true. 19 years of birthday celebrations, wishes, none came true yet. should i still believe in wishes?
nevertheless, just went off with JJ because i wasnt feeling really well. hand's been shaking quite badly since this morning. got a scare when i couldnt really move my left hand this morning. thought it was jus being numb but it nv really recovered only until afternoon. darn.
anyway, shall just watch my vcd and head for bed. yet another day passed, yet another hurtful day, yet another sleepless nite. shall drink to my heart's content this coming week. cheers!

2006-10-28T13:28:00.000+08:00

it's party time at 6.30. holland v's breko. should i drive? or maybe not.

consider that later. shall go do my stuffs 1st.

2006-10-26T22:55:00.000+08:00

an obsession with Frankie J. get the song from me if u wan.

2006-10-26T08:43:00.000+08:00

i realise smth terrible. i seem to have split personality. this is bad.

2006-10-26T01:48:00.000+08:00

disappointment. time after time. you've finally said it out. because its me. everything that's gotta do with me, you just don care. i've nothing else to say.

i am the one who continued walking at this pavement. but you've changed lane. i remb i told u i'd change lane if i know this way leads to my destination. but i'd nv thought that u'd be the one changing lane 1st. time after time, the hurt that you deliver to me, it makes me dumber and dumber. dumb in the sense of not being able to say anything. you can be harsh in whatever you do, that u'd nv know how hurt the person receiving it will be. jus like how u always said, ppl scolding vulgarities aimed at another person, the other person is the one receiving it and they'll feel hurt. its exactly the same now. all ur actions, because im the recipient, i suffer. i've stated b4, i chose this path, i fall down, i'll deal with the consequences.

i am, and i really am seriously hurt. self destructing like alan. hope i'll wake up soon like him too.

2006-10-24T23:52:00.000+08:00

din get to watch deathnote. frens have been telling me not to watch it cos its not so nice. but jus wanna watch it because personally, i find it interesting. had planned to watch it at VivoCity but last min changed plan. headed to kallang mac for dinner instead. den went to punggol beach with bt and wq to explore that area. kinda interesting as there's a world war 2 site. but we din walk in because it was kinda far and the 3 of us were like, lazy.

was on our way to chom chom when my parents called to say that they finished early today. so went to fetch them instead. now im home and im gonna watch my show b4 i slp.

2006-10-23T15:41:00.000+08:00

suicidal world of silence. officially opened on oct 23rd.

note: this is a testing entry.